90% Effective

Episode 9 of series 11 was a corker as we all got excited about a vaccine that could be 90% effective.

Good news. Except the UK has 10 million doses with 30 millions on order which, as apparently each person would need two doses, would be enough to immunise 20 million people. There’s 66.7 million people in the UK. Now I’ve never been great at maths but that doesn’t sound like it’s going to be quite enough to solve the problem to me, but Boris isn’t known for cocking things up is he so I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. Either that or he’s counting on Marcus Rashford to come up with some kind of solution, which to be honest sounds more likely. Or maybe clapping for those who don’t get the vaccine will work?

So if only 30% of the country will be able to get the vaccine how will they decide who those people are? Here’s a few options for Hancock and co. to consider:

🔘 You could win one with the People’s Postcode lottery

🔘 You could buy one on TicketMaster, with a presale for all paid up members of the Conservative Party to make it as ‘fair’ as possible

🔘 Regional Egg and Spoon races (socially distanced obviously) with vaccines for the winners

🔘 Everyone called Malcolm, Steve or Vera could automatically qualify

🔘 They could put golden vaccine tickets in chocolate bars aka Charlie and the Chocolate factory with the winners getting a vaccine (odds are I’d be a winner here)

🔘 You could collect 5 special tokens from the Sun like one of those £10 holidays (subject to availability)

🔘 Everyone who supports Manchester United or Liverpool could automatically qualify (this would cover a wide selection of the country)

🔘 They could sell them in the special buy section of Aldi

🔘 They could vaccinate the vulnerable and front line medical staff first of course but that seems a bit too boring and sensible so I just can’t see it