Peace

My knee is a lot better (rest helps who knew!) and my cough, whilst still lingering, has improved. So my plan to spend the back end of 2024 creating good habits and finding my groove is going pretty well.

I think in the past, unless I was at the size / shape I wanted and doing lots I felt like I wasn’t in the right place, but actually I can say that, whilst no where near perfect, I’m eating reasonably well and I’m being active. The habits are coming and I’m feeling pretty good and I know that from that the weight loss will eventually follow.

It’s all a process and I need to get things in place bit by bit if I want to feel good whilst I’m losing weight. I don’t want to sacrifice enjoying things for the sake of getting to my goals a bit quicker.

One thing I have decided is that I only want to do things that I enjoy and make me feel good. I’ve given up forcing myself to aim for goals I think I should aim for and am looking to do more pilates and classes which are maybe less manic but more focused on technique and strength. I also accept that as I’m older and my knees are not what they once were, I am going to struggle with some things – that’s ok – I can work with that.

I feel like my mindset has shifted a bit and that in itself has made me feel better about myself even though I am not yet where I’d like to be and I think that’s a pretty good thing.

Oooops

I fell off the rails a bit this weekend and did nothing.

It’s tough when you have a couple of days that don’t go to plan to get yourself back into a positive mindset and moving again.

However, I’ve got one week until I go away again and I want to feel good going into my holiday, so I’m planning on getting back to training and eating well this week.

Almost immediately it made me feel better (albeit a bit hungry1) and I went to the gym at lunch time for 30 minutes of weights with a BlokFit class tonight (something new again, which i believe is circuit based, but I’ve done the strength class and enjoyed it so hoping I’ll like this one too).

Just a reminder to myself that a bad day is only an issue if you let it affect all the subsequent days too!

Starting again is hard

It’s really hard to start a fitness journey. Getting into good habits and going to the gym for the first time and changing your eating habits is hard. You can be anxious about walking into a class or gym, unsure about how people will react and feel self doubt about whether your doing things right.

What I’m finding out is that starting AGAIN feels even harder and there’s a few reasons for that.

Comparison against what I used to be able to do. Before I gained weight, when I was conditioned to train more often and lift heavier, before my knees made running really hard. Comparing where I am now against where I was pre Covid is demotivating and makes me feel bad about myself.
Other people’s comments. I know I’m starting pretty much from scratch again. Don’t get me wrong, this time I have the knowledge but I know I need to adjust my own expectations of myself. When other people around you refer to what you used to be able to do and judge what your doing now against that it’s hard to not let it get to you. Yes I know my run was slower than it used to be, I don’t need you to point that out in a surprised voice thank you very much! It’s not meant in a bad way and people are just taking an interest but when you feel sensitive about something it’s hard to let things wash over you.
When you first start a fitness journey people can be encouraging, it’s impressive you’ve just done that class or well done for trying that. When you’ve taught classes for years starting a new class as a participant or when you’ve run lots of races in the past signing up for a run doesn’t seem like it should be a good deal so you should just take it in your stride, but it’s actually pretty scary. You want these new achievements to be seen as achievements not in comparison to past achievements.
Wanting to do things differently this time. Some of the things that got me to be as fit as I was were a bit excessive. I was too strict with food and over trained. I want to get fitter but I want to do it in a way that’s kinder to myself. That’s hard though when you know what could work achieve results quicker or you feel like you’re not a disciplined as you used to be.

It’s not all doom and gloom. I’ve found some classes where I can work hard at the level I’m currently at and I feel good for it and there are people out there who will remind you that you are still fit even if it’s not in the same way that you sued to be. I also know that a lot of the above can be ignored and is about how I perceive the situation.

My point is that this is also the case when you start a fitness journey but whereas we acknowledge how hard that can be, we don’t always think about the dips in our long term journeys once we are established in fitness.

Some weeks are tougher than others

The last couple of weeks have been busy at work so I knew I’d struggle to do loads during this time.

I’ve managed to run a few times though and as soon as I was quieter at work I got myself back to classes and did a step and cycle class on Wednesday. Generally I’ve felt pretty lacking in motivation though so I’ve also skipped workouts I could have got myself to.

I’ve been eating a lot too, I really find the food side so much harder than exercising! I’ve also struggled to regularly stick to healthy habits which is something I need to be more consistent with.

It’s starting to get a bit lighter though now so I’m hoping that will lift my spirits a bit so I can get outside more. Not looking forward to this week much but hoping that I can at least get to the gym and eat a bit better so I can look back on the week and be happy with my progress.

Control

My knee hurts. I’ve rested it, had it checked out and it looks like one of those aches that there isn’t much I can do about. I’ll need to work with it as it is.

It’s really frustrating when you want to do things and can’t because of injuries and niggles like this that just don’t seem to have an easy solution.

This is when I need to remember I can only control what I can control and what I can’t control I need to work with. I could get really annoyed about it, let it get me down, decide that it’s not worth doing anything if I can’t do things as I wanted or planned. But actually I will only upset and frustrate myself. I need to accept the things I cannot do anything about are what they are. I can plan things to work around it, different training, adjusted goals and accept there are some things that I may not be able to do.

I think I’m still going to aim to do the same events I wanted but with the knowledge it may take me longer and I may have to adjusted my ideal results from them, remembering that this will still be an achievement and pushing myself is great but I can’t change certain circumstances.

Controlling the controllable and accepting what I cannot control is something I really struggle with but am trying to get better at!

Comparisons

People say all the time not to compare your fitness journey to someone else’s, and I think even if we fall into the trap occasionally most of us know this is true.

What’s really hard is getting out of the habit of comparing where you are now to where you yourself used to be. It’s fine if the change has been what you see as an improvement, your slimmer or have more muscle definition or your faster, can lift heavier. It’s much harder to deal with when you feel like where you are now is a step back.

Going for a run when you know you sued to be able to run much faster or to the gym when you once could lift much heavier adds an extra layer of mental challenge to your motivation. I also think that when you are bigger than you once were the emotions surrounding that make it that much harder to get out there and move, especially if you feel self conscious about the changes, and it becomes a double edged sword, where the things that would help you feel better about yourself are also hard to do when you don’t feel good.

Of course this is also a feeling that people starting from scratch with fitness often feel, but when you’re starting again there’s almost an element of shame added to it.

I honestly think fitness is a mindset thing, because the actual components of a healthy lifestyle aren’t complicated, it’s our emotional connection to those things that makes it that much harder.

When to let go

What principles define how you live?

Know your worth but equally know when it’s worth fighting and when to let go.

Recently I discovered my contribution to a project was being attributed to someone else. Hurt was my initial reaction, then I was pissed off, then I realised that as unfair as it is – I did a lot of the work and not only was that was not acknowledged but someone else took the credit – it actually doesn’t impact me going forward.

I could object, highlight the fact, argue my point but I actually wouldn’t benefit from it beyond feeling I was in the right. It would be different if it impacted on my future or my income but actually it doesn’t.

So really, it’s not worth it. Some things in life are worth standing up for and others worth more for just letting go for your own sanity.

It was a donut

‘That looks like 20 minutes in the gym’.

Someone said that today as I ate an ice donut.

Now apart from, in reality I probably wouldn’t burn the amount of calories in the donut within 20 minutes (ever realised how much we over estimate calories burnt during exercise?), the notion that we have to earn our food is a horrible mindset to be in.

When we think in terms of ‘if I do this, I can have that’ or I’m going to have to exercise for this long because I’ve eaten this’ we effectively put a negative narrative on certain foods and make exercise a form of punishment.

Of course when we are more active we will burn and therefore be able to eat more calories to maintain our weight. Of course if you want to lose weight you need to understand the balance of calories in and out. So being aware of calories you are consuming or your TDEE isn’t unhealthy or obsessive.

But thinking of food as something that needs to be earned instead of enjoyed makes it a chore instead of a part of life. Thinking of exercise as something we have to do to eat instead of something we get to do to feel good and be healthy makes it something we may well end up resenting.

A donut should always look like a donut (tasty) not 20 minutes in the gym.

What Healthy Is

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Being healthy is not:

Being a certain weight

Being a certain size or shape

Being ripped / having defined visible muscle

Being able to run a distance in a certain time

Being able to lift really heavy weights

Eating really strictly

All these things can be a result of being healthy but in themselves they are not indicative off being healthy.

I know people who live incredibly disciplined lifestyles and look in great shape. They are undoubtedly fit. That doesn’t mean they are healthy.

You can be in great shape but have difficulty managing your training and beat yourself up if you don’t stick to your training schedule and feel like you must do a certain amount each day.

You can be in great shape but beat yourself up for eating certain foods or having some time off from your normal diet, or find yourself being careful on nights out to avoid causing damage to your fitness.

You can have an Instagram worthy routine and lifestyle and find yourself turning down social events because it would interrupt that.

Equally you can be a little bigger than you’d like and eat a more rounded diet and still be fit and healthy, and importantly healthy in more way than just one, because you know that not doing things perfectly doesn’t matter.

That’s not to say I think being overweight is healthy. If you don’t do any exercise and eat too much that is likely to lead to health problems and not be healthy.

We don’t have to live to an extreme though and a balance where we eat well and move (preferably in a way we enjoy) to allow us to feel good and enjoy life is probably the healthiest way to be.

Imperfect

Did you over do it over the bank holiday?

Changes to our routine can disrupt how we feel about our fitness levels. Long weekends and breaks are great but when you feel like you didn’t eat healthy enough or move enough it can make you feel like you need to be extra good in the days after to make up for it.

Did you say I’ll start Monday then realise you were off work Monday so now you’ll have to wait until next week?

The idea of the perfect week often means we decide to start again at the point things don’t go to plan, meaning we never quite get to the end of a week and just keep starting again.

Are you thinking I’ll start next year now because there’s only 4 months left and what can I do in that?

The idea of a perfect starting point, like January because then we’ve been good for a whole year can be tempting but when you start healthy habits doesn’t really matter, we won’t all reset back to zero on December 31st.

Do you have loads of things coming up so you think I’ll just wait until after to get started because there’s no point?

Well you might see slower results if you can’t be super consistent for the next few weeks but you’ll see more results from just doing what you can than you will if you just wait.

You’re never going to have a clear path, no distractions, no obstacles. You’re never going to be perfect for a whole week, month or year.

Being consistent and doing what you can when you can and more importantly getting back to your routine as soon as you can after any little changes (be them blips or planned occasions) is going to bring much better results than trying to be perfect.